I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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