I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
