He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
