I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
