yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
