Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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