she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
