Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize