oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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