If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
