It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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