She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
