Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I am midnight drunk by noon
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize