dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
