You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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