kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
