Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
