You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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