My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
