if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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