I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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