Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
