he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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