i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize