The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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