I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She announced her abortion via fbk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
