I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
