Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
