Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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