Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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