I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
