i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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