I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
