I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize