Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
