You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He did a backflip because drugs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
