you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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