just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
