Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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