Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
