pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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