There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
