just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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