Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
