walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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