Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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