she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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