I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
