I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
