dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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