I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
