OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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