Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
