He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
