Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
