Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
