There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
