i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
