I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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