i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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