Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
