i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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