I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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