This girl is more easily done than said...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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