We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
