Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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