After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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