planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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