i can't believe i had my finger in that
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
