I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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