my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
