gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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