i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
